“WHAT DO YOU WISH SOMEONE HAD SAID TO YOU WHEN YOU STARTED DATING?”

 

Not all guys are going to abuse you eventually and demean you.   It might be better than what you've had, but when you have a chance.  Don't be with someone who trashes you all the time even if that person seems perfect.

Michelle, 24

Minnesota

 

[That] healthy, anger-free relationships are really possible.

Cara, 24

 

young people can get caught up in peer pressure,  Just remember to be kind, be honest with your friends and especially be fair with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

richard, old/wise

New York

 

Relationships should be a vehicle to experience life more fully, not to take anything away from who you are. The second you feel like you are losing yourself, you should reconsider who you are with and why.

Kristina, 24

New York

 

Do not tolerate verbal abuse from someone.

Marybeth, 46

Indiana

 

make sure you really know the person before you share yourself physically and emotionally with them. It's so much more than physical attraction.

Elizabeth, 40

Tennessee

 

it's all good in the beginning, it's as time goes on and you begin to relax that you begin to see the "real" personalities in the relationship, go slow, learn and if it all works appreciate it

Cynthia, 52

Florida

 

Men aren't worth crying over, but when you find one that is, he won't make you cry.

Nicole, 39

Florida

 

Establish boundaries

Gigi, 50

South Carolina

 

I just wish there had been open lines of communication so if I had questions I could ask them and if I needed to talk I could have.  I think conversations about healthy relationships need to have started way before dating to lay a foundation...

Jennifer, 36

Massachusetts

 

Casual relationships can be hurtful

Teresa, 36

Kansas

 

Know yourself first! Have confidence that everything you need is already within you.

Cory, 33

Florida

 

Say what you mean without saying it in a mean way.

Beverly, 56

Texas

 

That everyone gets hurt, love is blind, and people have different defintions of love.

Maria, 29

Kansas

 

I was too immature to listen to good advice and had to "learn the hard way."

Joyce, 57

Indiana

 

It's okay to walk away from a controlling person.  Control does not mean the person cares about your needs.

Barb, 58

Minnesota

 

That I needed to focus more on the person I was dating instead of it always being about me.  Not to wear my feelings on my sleeve.  To [be] happy with the commitment I just got into and not look for other dates.

William, 43

Colorado

 

 

always make sure you feel good about yourself in the relationship

leslie, 50

New York

 

That Love does not conqure all.  It takes more than love to make a relationship.  There must be respect for the other person at all times.  It is never acceptable to be called [a] name and it is NEVER acceptable for anyone to ever put their hands on

Nicole, 35

Kansas

 

Be yourself, take care of your self-respect, and never let anyone talk you into something you really don't want to do. Oh, and that love is given, not taken.

Jackie, 39

Florida

 

To take things one day at a time. To be aware of how influential some people can be if you yourself are not strong and confident.

Bee, 25

Kansas

 

Trust your instincts. If it does not feel right, it probably is not.

Nicole, 30

New York

 

I wish someone would have discussed the physical element of dating.  I was (thankfully) not sexually active in high school, but just having the conversation with an adult about the feelings and maturity that is needed would have been helpful.

Jackie

 

 

 I wish someone had told me that emotional and mental abuse is just as bad as physical.  Heck, I wish somebody had just told me it existed among partners.  I spent years with a man who made me hate myself.

Beth, 32

Illinois

 

It is not normal to feel guilty, ashamed, fearful, and anxious. When he hurts your feelings, it's NOT your fault and he needs to take responsibilty. You are not responsible for his actions.

Anna, 25

Minnesota

 

never settle for anything less than the best.

Marianne, 25

Wisconsin

 

That if he/she makes you cry within the first 3 months of the relationship you need to think about continuing the relationship.

Thersee, 31

North Dakota

 

I wish someone would have told me that they love me for what I am.

Yasoda, Sharma

Texas

 

Expect to be treated well and fairly and accept nothing less.

Jane, 42

New York

 

Your needs are for you to define, not someone else.  It's OK to take a stand for how you wish to be treated.

Sarah, 55

New Mexico

 

That relationships take two people working to be together. If you are always putting more work into the relationship than your partner, then is it an equal partnership?

Joann, 40

Texas

 

If you find yourself asking what he would like, more than what you would like, it is a red flag.

Diane, 55

Texas

 

Look for a relationship in which you have equal power, equal rights, and mutual respect.

Barri, 46

Texas

 

get to know the other person slowly

penny, 60

Pennsylvania

 

Don't lose yourself in a relationship.

Anna, 59

New York

 

Everyone comes with their own situation. Their past has helped contribute to the person that they are today. Find someone with the same values for the right fit.

Cindy, 34

Kansas

 

Are we going to be equal partners? & what do you consider equal?

Peggy, 51

New Jersey

 

My mom would say never put up with someone who hits you. But I wish more moms would say, "Never put up with someone who is jealous," or "Never put up with someone who puts you down, because you are so special.

Agnes, 36

Texas

 

Ignore the scripts and listen.  Ask for what you want.  Don't take "no" personally.

Michael, 46

Iowa

 

I wish that someone would have truly broken down to me what it means to LOVE. First and foremost, what it means to Love myself. Second, what it means to LOVE others; and  third, what it means for others to LOVE me...

Dr. Dionne, 36

District of Columbia

 

It's always OK to expect more from a relationship--but you have to say what you expect to the person you're with.  You can't expect them to guess what you need.

Becky, 56

Texas

 

I would have liked more encouragement to be self-confident and to trust my instincts.  It would have been nice also to have advice about ending a relationship if you know it is unhealthy.

Leslie, 52

Indiana

 

rough-housing ends when someone says no.  rough-housing is not 'play' after someone says NO.  getting thrown up against a wall is not rough-housing, it is not play, it is abuse.

Teri, 50

Texas

 

Don't ever accept somebody making you feel less than what you are.  They are NOT more important than you.   Also, the only person you are absolutley guaranteed to wake up to every morning is yourself...so keep part of yourself to yourself. 

Jennifer, 34

New Jersey

 

I wish they had told me that I was allowed to put my needs first and to stand up for myself more in the relationship.  I was always told to be more passive and submissive to a man when I first started dating and my self esteem was pretty low.

Jenny, 39

California

 

Ignore everything a man says and pay attention to what they do. (to determine real character)

Susan, 30

New Hampshire

 

I wish someone would have told me not to move too fast.  Give things time and observe people to know if their words are true and match their actions.

Donya, 36

Georgia

 

That you cannot change someone!  That's God's job!

Sharonne, 34

Tennessee

 

Jealously doesn't mean they love you. It means they don't trust you and they want to control you.

Amanda, 30

Ohio

 

You have choices in who you are with.  You can choose instead of being chosen.

Darla, 55

Indiana

 

wait.

Tironda, 33

Connecticut

 

Dating is not about pleasing others. Look out for yourself, please yourself, trust in who you are because when the right person comes along, he will never let you lose that trust in yourself; he will never make you change who you are.

Emily, 21

New Jersey