Tips for Talking with your Young Teen about Healthy Relationships

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TIPS FOR TALKING WITH YOUR YOUNG TEEN ABOUT HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Encourage open, honest, and thoughtful reflection. Talk openly with your young teen about healthy relationships. Allow your child to articulate his or her values and expectations for healthy relationships. Rather than dismissing ideas as “wrong”, encourage debate — this helps your child come to his or her own understanding. Communication with your child about relationships is an ongoing process rather than a one-time conversation.
Be sensitive and firm. Parenting a young teen is not easy—especially when it comes to helping him or her navigate their way through relationships. Teach - don't just criticize. To be effective, you will need to find the balance between being sensitive and firm. Try to adapt to the changes faced by your child. Be willing to talk openly and respect differences of opinion. And, realize that the decisions you make will sometimes be unpopular with your young teen.
Understand your teen’s development and how it affects yoru relationship. Adolescence is all about experimentation. From mood swings to risk taking, “normal teenage behavior” can appear anything-but-normal. However, new research reveals that brain development during these formative years play a significant role in shaping your young teen’s personality and actions. Knowing what’s “normal” is critical to helping you better understand and guide your child.
Understand the pressure and the risk your teen faces. Young teens face new and increasing pressures and expectations about sex, substance use and avoiding abuse from peers or dating partners. Time and time again, young teens express their desire to have parents take the time to listen to them and help them think through the situations they face – be that parent!
Take a clear stand. Make sure your young teen knows that how you feel about disrespect, abuse of power, use of abusive or inappropriate language, controlling behavior, or any forms of violence.
Make the most of “teachable moments” Use TV episodes, movies, music lyrics, news, community events or the experiences of friends to discuss healthy and unhealthy relationships.
Discuss how to be an ‘upstander’ and friend. Teach your child how to stand-up for friends when he or she observes unhealthy treatment of his or her peers.
Accentuate the positive. Conversations about relationships do not need to focus solely on risky behavior or negative consequences. Talks should also address factors that promote healthy adolescent development and relationships.
Be an active participant in your young teen’s life. Encourage your child to be involved in extracurricular activities. Find projects you can do together. Explore ways to know more about your young teen’s friends and interests.
Be prepared to make mistakes. There is no magic pill, no simple method that works every time. You will make mistakes. Accept that you will make mistakes, but continue to help your young teen make the most responsible choices possible while trying to maintain that delicate balance of being sensitive to their desires and needs, yet firm in providing guidance and direction.